The Male Hormonal Cycle…

Every month around the same time I get that “not so fresh” feeling.  Well not in the place most people usually get it, it’s like I feel it in my soul.  It’s like clockwork, it’s always been that way.  I’m irritable.  I’m depressed.  It’s the only time I can ever cry.  It’s my manrag.

Every man has them, straight, gay, paper machete…  every man I have ever known has had the same problem weather they want to admit it or not.  It’s a rough time, and I think it’s a lot rougher on men than women.  Sure women bleed, bloat, and row a boat (don’t you love my rhyming skills today?) but at least they get to TALK about it.  They can freely talk to each other about their common symptoms and find solace in it.  In most circles if a guy says he’s on his rag, even to fellow manraggers, usually the first word he hears is “FAG!” fallowed by a bottle to the head.

Every month when that special time hits I feel like absolute emotional shit.  I fester on things and overanalyze, I make up crazy scenarios in my head that I realize are totally ridiculous…  I turn into an even bigger woman than I normally am.

So I decided to look around online and it seems to be a topic even professionals tend to avoid.  Actually I could only find one link that didn’t have the words gay or fag in the text line so I checked it out to find that a few other people out there agree.

On Tim Boucher’s blog he showed something he had found on a site selling dietary supplements listing the FIVE male hormonal cycles.  That’s right ladies, you may have physical discomfort and get a little pissy once a month but we have to deal with the rollercoaster of emotions in FIVE ways.

The first is rhythmic fluctuations 3-4 times an hour.  Want to know why we’re always horny?  Because we get a rush of testosterone every 15 minutes or so.  When most women’s natural cycle tells them once a month that they NEED sex, men get it every 15 minutes or so.  Sure women may get aroused at other times but every woman I’ve ever known gets super randy right after she finishes her menstrual cycle.

The second are fluctuations higher in the morning than afternoon.  That’s why men like morning sex so much, and is usually the best!  Personally I always feel like a powerhouse in the morning but as the day goes on I feel less and less engaged.

The third’s the kicker – MONTHLY MALE FLUCTUATIONS THAT ARE RHYTHMIC BUT DIFFERENT FOR EACH PERSON.  That’s the most noticeable cycle, the true manrag.  It’s the cycle most like the female cycle except I think it’s opposite.  I think that where a woman’s period is a rush of estrogen and other hormones making them more emotional, the male period is the time after the hormone rush and testosterone is in a deficiency.  And yes, men do have estrogen just as women have testosterone; no gender has sole proprietorship either so when our testosterone is low naturally we’re left with estrogen.  Lady Fuel.

The fifth is the YEARLY cycle where men have higher levels of testosterone in October than April.  Humans are far more emotional creatures than the rest of the animal kingdom so it takes more than pretty feathers or a burly chest to attract a mate; it takes sensitivity, tenderness, and some degree of understanding of the opposite sex.  Men have lower testosterone in April to be more sensitive and romantic making them more appealing to a mate then higher in Fall to have the constant drive to want to conceive.  You hear about summer love all the time and spring babies, it makes complete sense.  It’s much easier on a woman to be pregnant during the winter than the summer like any other animal because they’re much more prone to dehydration and heat exhaustion.

I’m going in the tent now.  I’ve got the crimson tide.  Uncle Flo has come to visit.  This week I’ve already done the eat ice cream in bed and watch Ice Castles thing…  well it was more like Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children.  That movie chokes me up every time.  Being gay is so much easier that actually using hormones for reproduction, they can be put to SO much better use.