That’s Enough, Fred Armisen.

To start off, I haven’t watched Saturday Night Live in YEARS. Last night as I watched the season premier (I think it was, at least. I dunno I don’t watch the crap.) remembered there was a REASON I haven’t enjoyed a sketch on SNL since the good old days when SNL had actual TALENT on their show.

The episode started off with some douche-bag who can’t act, Fred Armisen, doing the worst impression of Obama that I have EVER seen. He did NOTHING besides dress in a suit and highly offensive black face makeup to suggest he was trying to portray the President of our country. As the audience rolled in their seats with a roar of laughter I couldn’t help but wonder what exactly the tools watching this show thought was funny. As anyone who has read my blog can tell I don’t take much of anything seriously. I’ll laugh at old people and retards even when they’re not trying to be funny (was that insensitive?) but I found his portrayal of Obama so offensive I had to leave the room until the sketch was over.

It didn’t stop there. Ryan Reynolds, the host for the evening made a horrible stab at being funny as he compared the similarities between his two most recent movies “The Proposal” and “Wolverine” but again I just didn’t find it very funny. It wasn’t that the jokes were over my head, it was more like 20 miles below my feet.

After a couple sketches, one about feeding dogs garbage because they’re dogs, another about Mackenzie Phillips screwing her dad, a “funny” music video that didn’t really make sense which I figured must be a parody of a song I didn’t know (but it wasn’t), and then another about ceramic fountains I stopped and said “I REALLY DON’T GET IT!” Then I realized there was NOTHING there to get. The jokes were just bad. Really, really bad. Each skit was poorly written, poorly acted, and just not very funny – which is really sad because like I said I laugh at EVERYTHING.

The only reason I was interested in the episode at all was Lady Gaga, which tore the stage apart with a unique hellish performance of Paparazzi complete with pyrotechnics, a brawl with the REAL Madonna, and another oddly played performance of Lovegame and an awesome little modification of the acoustic version of Pokerface. When she came out for the second number she was wearing a strange set of concentric rings around her midsection that kinda spun around in a weird, wonky way which I figured wasn’t exactly what she was going for when she designed the costume (I hear she does that, makes her own clothes…). It was like a perfect idea on paper, but it really seemed like she didn’t take into account that she had legs so the apparatus wouldn’t actually rotate around her. Bless hear heart.

I tried to watch with an open mind, more than anything I was waiting for something to be funny. I laughed a whole 3 times during the entire show. I thought maybe I was biased because I pink puffy heart Obama, but I can’t stand Arnold Shwarzinhoffenbargenager and the impression of his done during the news was so bad it twisted up my face like I had just smelled a fart. The only worth while impressions were Madonna and Lady Gaga, but I figured out later that it was actually them, not actors.

The thing that kills me is this show is STILL ON THE AIR and madTV, one of the greatest sketch comedies of all time is CANCELED. Seriously WHO is watching TV now? madTV was witty, entertaining, and -gasp- FUNNY. Personally I think SN-HELL should take a long deserved hiatus until they can get someone besides lab monkeys and ivy-leaguers to write their material and actually get actors to be on their show, not dumb ass community theater rejects trying to make it in the world of television.